I just got done singing the praises of the Audemars Piguet Royal Oak Black Ceramic Offshore. I kvetched about the 42mm size of the bastard, then sort of somewhat forgive it for its original sin by dint of its slimming color. And now the watchmaker’s launched the demure Royal Oak White Ceramic – a MUCH smaller Royal Oak. Hmmm. Is “demure” the right word?
Back in the day, even the most manly of men (i.e., James Bond) were happy wearing a 34mm watch. And then Sly Stallone slapped a saucer-sized Panerai on his wrist. Rambo’s trend-setting timepiece kicked-off an irrepressible desire for horological wrist weights, devaluing millions of perfectly wonderful 34mm and 36mm watches, forcing manufacturers to up their game.
A Woman’s Watch is Never Overdone
While the market for huge watches has calmed the fuck down in the intervening quarter century, today’s 34mm timepiece is still generally considered a “woman’s watch.” An opinion you might consider misogynistic and politically incorrect. An opinion the Nancy boys at monochrome-watches.com would never come out and say. Instead…
“While certainly on the small side for men, this Royal Oak Selfwinding 34mm White Ceramic surely does make an impact and will most probably attract both women and men.”
I do wish Monochrome would serve some tea with their milquetoast. Anyway, I’m thinking this dinky – yes I said it – white ceramic Royal Oak will “probably” attract a lot more women than men.
Lest we forget, AP sells a lot of RO’s in country’s where “politically correct” means not saying or doing anything to upset the Royal Family, such as sodomy is never having to say you’re sorry. A comment that could be enough to get you chopped into small pieces and stuffed into a suitcase. Sans AP.
Elderly Snowbirds Need Apply
Then again, there is a large population of wizened old men in Florida who’d love to wear a Royal Oak that matches their white patent leather dress shoes when they head down to the assisted living dining room. A watch that saves them… oh wait.
Ceramic. Yeah. At $53k, the new white Royal Oak is more expensive than a garden variety full-size (41mm) stainless steel Royal Oak. That’s a deal killer for my people. But not for you, right ladies?
White walls are so last year (think emerald, unless you’re a Barbie fan). But according to the ultimate authority on women’s fashion (Bard AI), “White accessories are definitely in style in 2023. They are a great way to add a touch of sophistication and elegance to any outfit. White accessories can be dressed up or down, and they work well for both casual and formal occasions.”
Where Did I Put My Specs?
Shall we talk about the watch itself? The out-of-house calibre 5800 movement (courtesy Vaucher Manufacture Fleurier), the not-entirely-legible silvery-white Grande Tapisserie dial, and the rose gold batons, screws, screw-down crown insert, caseback, clasp and rotor? Nah. I think that would be a tad… jejune.
I resisted the urge to use the word tacky. A casual reader might think I was using the word to refer to the Audemars Piguet Royal Oak White Ceramic 34mm.
Heaven forfend! It’s nowhere near bling enough to qualify. Anyway, this demure Audemars Piguet Royal Oak White Ceramic brings AP ever closer to their goal of 150 variants. It’s only a matter of time before there’s a black ceramic RO in 38mm. Or something.